It' been one month 26 days since i left Istanbul, I needed huge time and put myself together first to write this last diary ( i wish it is not! ). As arrived here, i feel everything is totally different and i realized that hey I am back Home again but my heart felt empty. I go back to my activities, trying to settle down again, but it is hard as i didn't do in 3 months. Things were going crazy, I didn't get Visa to visit my Fiancee in Germany n it broke my heart so much, but i gotta move on. So, plan was changed that we would marry earlier than what we planned before and many things that stressed me up here n i have to handle by myself mostly. I miss my fellows, i miss turkish air, and all the single things. Every time i told Sven this i always cry n wanna go back to turkey.

Now I want to Thank again to all of you, Mr. Bobby Dekeyser, D&F Family and my fellows wherever you are. I owed a lot for this treasure you've given to me, the things i never ever imagined i would ever do, or only was in my dream. Thank You to All my turkish family, for the sweet memories, OYA, FARUK, SELMA, CEM, all my dance teachers...HUGE heart and LOVE to you All. and Mustafa Erdogan, I am sorry if i was not that good dancer and student, but I truly adore and honor you. Thank You for all the inspirations you all brought to me, and let me grew better. Though I have my own life here but the memory is living n dancing in my heart forever.

I still remember at the end of Oya's academy, she played us a song from "chicago" called " you're the inspiration" and tears fell from my eyes so fast, she really know how to touched our heart. Ohh Oya ... untill now that song is stuck in my heart and mind swinging all the time and it is tooo hard for me to not cry. I am missing all of my 2 brothers and 10 sisters...i want they all with me till the end of time.. i miss my roommate Shubhangi who is totally different from me but I love her so much..Lulu or Lucas who tried to copy me when i said " iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" , Maulvi who always dissapeared, Meagan who talks so fast n good in ballet, hannah "the sexy therapist", kashturi camel, Daniela who called me "Ayuyitaa..." , Teija who is very calm, Yasmin the Flamenco queen who has bright heart n always told me about kangoroo and koala in Australia, Sureyya the spider girl, Aura who talks sooooo much hahaha..., and Abbyyyyyyyy my next "muse" for MrsB..

Guys, You are all part of me now.. i have a poem fro E.E Cunnings that really reflects my feeling about all of you . Maybe I couldn't do so cmuh things for u but my love is true and will last forever. Whenever u need me, whenever u call, i am here for you...

Here is the poem for all of you,

I CARRY YOU HEART

I carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)
I am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life..which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart..
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Now, i have big smile on my face as i put this "emotional report" on the website. I want all of you to know how you mean to me and how i miss you here. I pray all the best things for all of you and may your dreams come true...

LOVE,

AYU ( LALA...)